Now that we have covered S is for Slow Down, and T is for Trigger Moment we can move on to the next step of our S.T.O.P. process, O is for Ownership and Observation. Let’s look at the first one today, O is for Ownership.
O is for OWNERSHIP:
How Did I Contribute?
Now that you have made a list of all your triggers you have to make a shift. Take ownership and see that YOU are the one who is being triggered and that you have made a contribution to the problem. It is not the situation or the people around you that define your reactions. You are choosing your reactions. This can be a hard pill to swallow for sure.
Don’t believe me? Let’s use driving as a clear example. Some people are naturally calm drivers. They are easily able to let others into traffic and are not bothered by other more aggressive drivers. They are in no hurry and allow plenty of time to get where they are going. However, some people are extremely emotional drivers. They honk their horn when someone cuts in front of them. They curse or try to ‘pay back’ someone who has wronged them. They tailgate others or drive up ahead and cut them off. They are always in a hurry. So, it is not the actual situation, driving, that is the trigger, it is the person behind the wheel. The activity of driving is neutral. So it is with everything….
Parenting. Food. Exercise. Finances. Our career or lack of it. Our extended family. Our neighbors. Our spouse. What is a trigger for one person might be of no effect to another. One may struggle with overeating, while another person could have a pantry full of food and not give it a second thought. One person may love to exercise while another one hates the idea of breaking a sweat. Get the idea? It is NOT the THING, whatever that thing is, it is YOU!
If it is always someone else’s fault, if you blame your reactions on situations and people and other uncontrollables, you will never be able to change. You will be stuck in a cycle of reacting and blaming. But, if you can accept that your reactions come from inside you, you will be able to start working with triggers in a life changing way. You give yourself the power to change!
This week when you see that you are becoming reactive, pause. Think. Reflect inwards and say, “This is me reacting. This trigger is coming from inside me and I choose to take ownership.” Stop blaming others. Stop blaming situations. The reactions you are giving are not universal. They are specific to you. Remember you are the driver and the trigger is not outside of you, it is coming from within. Recognize this truth…that is all you need to do to make dramatic progress!
Click Here to read about the second component of O…O is for Observation.