I wait quietly before God,
for my victory comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will never be shaken.
So the 40-day blogging stint has ended, The Ultimate Love Affair book is done and it’s as if I’ve all but forgotten the importance of rising early and waiting quietly.
Summer is here and somehow sleeping in has taken a front row seat. Blowing off my quiet time has become more normal.
Why? I can’t seem to put a finger on it.
For one…waiting is not my strong suit. Quiet is definitely not my best quality. And maybe I have just defaulted back to life as I knew it before. Is that why? Or is that just an excuse?
I’m almost embarrassed to admit it. Like a person who diets and loses weight and then quits the diet and gains it all back. Is that what I’ve done? I got spiritually fit for a season and now I’m just spiritually fat? Lazy? Undisciplined?
Or am I doing the best I can?
My attention has shifted focus to executing some other work projects to be able to maximize the reach of this newborn baby book. For sure I am still in contact with God and carrying out His will…as best I can.
And maybe it just looks different for this next season? Maybe it’s okay that seasons change and we don’t hold on too tightly to routines and rituals?
For every season there is a purpose. Winter ends and spring buds sprout gently through the earth that was dormant. Summer rains help them grow and flourish, for a season, and then the fall brings the harvest and we’re back to hunkering down for winter.
I guess that is the purpose of waiting quietly. It’s the knowingness that seasons change and if the season you are in is hard, or looks different than the season that just brought forth a harvest, that is okay.
Maybe your faith that was strengthened will now be put to the test. Maybe it is okay to let go of what was and embrace what is. Maybe it is healthy to trust that victory comes from God and not from my rigid routines or my striving. Maybe it’s okay to just rest sometimes. AND not feel guilty about it.
And maybe when we let go and trust a little more we make way for God to work without our striving trying to take the front seat and our ego trying to take the credit. I do have a tendency to push myself to exhaustion and live out on the edge of what is reasonably productive and sometimes wander into intense focus and unreasonable energy output.
So maybe this is not maintainable. Maybe it is like an athlete who trains hard for a season and puts that unreasonable load into their training routine for a purpose…so they can taper off and peak on race day. And maybe after peaking a season of rest and recovery is reasonable.
Yeah. That’s it! I’m going with that analogy. Sitting quietly does work. Shit, I almost forgot that.
I came here this morning having NO IDEA what I was going to write to you. I literally have been dried up and feeling immensely guilty about it. Like I have been a slacker and an uncommitted writer, Christian, person.
My how the mind takes us into guilt so quickly. Insteasd of compassion and trust that seasons change the mind tends to beat us up, doubting our commitment to our work, and our faith and even questioning our worth as a person!
And I allowed myself to circle that mountain of guilt and doubt and I even believed it.
God, let me, today, accept that I AM doing the best that I can.
Let me remember that You are my rock and my salvation. You are my fortress where I will never be shaken. You are proud of my progress and You are planning out the next season, which is going to look different than the former and regardless of how it look, I don’t need to fear. You are with me.
It’s okay. That’s what I keep trying to tell myself anyway. I am doing the best I can.