As women we have historically be on the waiting and receiving end of relationships. We’re taught that asking for what we need or being assertive are not becoming. We are encouraged to be kind and compliant. We often make others feel comfortable, sometimes at our own expense. However, these ‘skills’ do not serve us well in business and today we are going to rewire some of our thinking.
The important thing to know when you are running a business is that you more often than not, have to be on the initiating side of a relationship. You have to be the one introducing yourself and asking for the ‘date’.
Here’s the key. Think like someone you would want to date. Remember that smooth, confident, handsome guy who could have his pick of anyone in the club and he chose to talk with you? He wasn’t desperate. He knew what to say. YOU have to hone these skills.
Play out the scene in your hear. How would they have to approach you if you had never met them before? Would it matter if you had mutual friends with that person? What would be a logical first question to get your attention? What would be a turn-off? How would someone eventually get to first base with you?
The answer is PACING. If you’re really into someone they can move much more quickly right? But if you’re unsure, you might feign interest or take things much more slowly. They may have to wow you to win you over. Understanding pacing is really key when building relationships.
Now, not all relationships are the same and for some dates you might have found that coffee was simply enough and you didn’t need to go any further. For others, the first night you met, maybe it became hot and heavy. (Ahem…not speaking from experience here….)
It’s hard to tell what will happen until you actually start talking to somebody. Please, use this advice!
When you are reaching out and talking to prospects, new friends, potential clients, let them set the pace and you have to walk in step with them. If they seem eager and interested to get started, then you match that eager and interested pace. If they seem skeptical or a little stand-offish, you share tiny bits at a time.
This will help ensure that your clients feel comfortable with you and you can build a rapport enough to help them get to first base, then second base and possibly third base and maybe even you’ll close the sale.
Some of those transactions might happen the first day you meet and some might take months or even years, but the important thing here is to know that pacing is important. I hope this helps you have better conversations this week, and that you will see that as you initiate conversations and you match the pace of those you’re talking with you’ll get better results.